For the past 18 months, I was working extremely hard to develop certain skills. Those skills do come out good now, but they came at the cost of something I now realise I needed much more. Peace.
I was expanding my skill set rapidly, mastering them and then using them to the fullest. This was all going good, until about a month ago. I broke down mentally, suddenly and it all went down quick.
About a month before this, I had had a change of mind. I had decided to let emotions grow rather then suppressing them the moment they began. Since I had spent all my time focusing on other areas, my emotional growth was hampered. It wasn’t as if I was having trouble talking to people, the thing was that I could not speak from my heart . Going ahead with my plan, I tried expressing myself to one person. The result, I failed horribly. Hence, the breakdown.
I was down for a long time, the only person who could make me all right again I had broken contact to. The irony here is that the person who caused my breakdown is this very person
I was terribly confused about how to approach her after all this time. So I went up to her one day and just began talking. She doesn’t know a bit about me or what I feel about her right now. After a long time I broke the ice between us. She expressed that she had always wanted to remain friends. Once again I realised how retarded I am emotionally.
Her voice is hypnotic, every single word of the poems still holds true. She is the reason I go to school everyday and she has no idea why :P. The reason is that I like shutting off my mind around her. Well, actually she shuts it off unknowingly . This does make me look like an idiot (asked her today “Do you remember your home address?”. -_- Anyone who is a friend of mine would be laughing their asses off knowing shit like this does not come often from my mouth :P) but it gives me relief. It makes me calm. The chaos inside my head finds order somehow. She brings me peace. As of this moment I cannot express any of my thoughts to her as I am utterly incapable of doing so in person-even more to her-and have no way to write to her.
I need her as of this moment and she thinks I am dumb as fuck .
I have found my peace only that she doesn’t know it yet. I wish Po could help me out here. After all he found inner peace in epic fashion
You guys are free to help as well